This Winter, Emory has faced a legal complaint and will undergo litigation after someone’s finger was severed by an SAE window. Although Emory is responsible for renovation of the house it is clearly not performing its due diligence on the matter. After all, windows don’t just slam shut on their own. Recently, all kinds of absurd theories have appeared on the matter, from “Claire Sterk needs frat blood every full moon to stay immortal” to “it’s just an old house I guess.” Of course, there must be a logical explanation for how a window can just slice off an appendage like it’s the French Revolution. That’s right, readers, the SAE house is clearly the Monster House, from the classic 2006 animated film, Monster House.
The plot of the movie, for those without a background in the fine-arts, is quite simple. A woman is constantly tormented by children until she accidentally falls into the cement foundation of her new house, which she then haunts. This is clearly the best working theory as to what happened to our fingerless friend. I mean, when you think of a house fraught by obnoxious young people, do you NOT think of SAE?
The only thing we can do is fight back. According to the lore of Monster House, we must destroy the heart of the house in order to set the foul spirit free. I’m not really sure what that is, so in order to make sure no one else is hurt, we should really just destroy everything in the house.
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