Moderator: “Good afternoon everyone. Welcome to our Emory Town Hall. We hope that this can provide relief for all of you. It’s definitely helping us, by fueling both our superiority and savior complexes. Please note that attendees will be placed…
The Emory Spoke
Among the many feeling personally wronged by the coronavirus outbreak/subsequent shelter-in-place is rising junior and finance major Jonah Kliffstein, who is outraged over the cancellation of his summer internship. “This is absolute bullshit. People are acting like goddamn sheep laying…
The Kitchen: Now known as the Dobbs Distancing Table, or the DDT. Dangerous chemical who? Now, this fun abbreviation refers to your chicken repository away from school, minus the angry old man that shoos you away from the gluten free…
Sources confirm that sophomore Jordan Blumenthal, philosophy major, has been doing a surprisingly abysmal job concealing the fact that he is masturbating during his weekly 2:30 zoom class. Blumenthal, who sources have noted is a novice at utilizing zoom, affirmed…