OUE Solves Course Registration during COVID Crisis

For years numerous Emory undergraduates have been devastated during course registration, receiving a poor time slot compared to the rest of their class. The Office of Undergraduate Education heard their cries and finally found a solution to this stress and misery, just in time for registration during a pandemic, economic crisis, and continuing fight for social justice: “Students can’t complain if they all have the same time, right?”

“Oh shit,” said Janie West of ADPi when she realized all of her new member class is registering at 12PM EDT on the same day, “AND Greek Life is being cancelled??” Not only will West be unable to get into Intro to Film, but her big dropped out of the sorority due to racist comments that West detailed, “were not meant to be racist. She’s 1/16th Native American.”

In the spirit of equality, every class will register at the same time on their respective days. “This will be easier for everyone. By everyone, we mean us,” reported OUE. It was “really hard and draining” for OUE officials to randomly assign students different times, and students are always mad no matter which spot they receive. “These are difficult times, so we wanted to make our undergrads happy and take a break ourselves. They all get the best time this re-registration period,” reported OUE.

 Several seniors are preparing for their registration time this Thursday by scrambling to find out which neighbor has the fastest WiFi in an attempt to have an inkling of a connection during these upcoming battles on OPUS. “I didn’t think class registration could get any worse. Even with a decent time last semester I could only get into Ancient Mediterranean Studies classes,” pre-med Eden Levy described.

“Can’t relate,” said Emory Scholar Kate Pendall. If an Emory student was smart in high school and became a Scholar, they always get to register an hour before anyone else. Pendall informed reporters, “It might not be fair, especially in these times, but I got a 36 on my ACT and was CEO of my own business in 2014, so I’m better than you.”