Let’s be real, does anybody actually like pollen? It’s just piss-colored snow that makes your nose itch. It sucks. Sure, plants technically “need it to live,” but if I could give up gluten for a month, plants can live without pollen.
When was the last time you heard someone say something good about pollen? Yeah, that’s right. Never. Why is pollen still around? Why haven’t the pollen companies just stopped making it? It’s all a government conspiracy. Don’t you get it? Big Pollen is using your allergies to alter your memories and convince you that spring isn’t the worst season. In fact, while we’re here, let’s discuss spring. Every year, I hear “spring has sprung,” but has it really? If anything, spring comes down on us in a torrential downpour. Spring is literally just rain and allergies. They gave it a silly little name, but you can’t fool me. I know what you are.
Anyways. Back to pollen. As I was saying, the government [THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE IS UNAVAILABLE]
Note from the Spoke staff: We apologize for the inconvenience, but the contents of this article have been redacted. The author was starting to advocate for war crimes against pollen, and we don’t need to be placed on a watch list. Again. Twice was enough.
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