(LISA, 18, and her RA, JASON, 20, are sitting at the DUC for their first one-on-one. They face each other at a table, Lisa with blouse and jeans, he in a raggedy shirt and cargo pants. Lisa is questioning what life choices got her where she is. He’s a little too enthusiastic.)
JASON
(cheerfully)
So, how do you like Emory so far?
LISA
I mean, it wasn’t my first choice, but—
JASON
(interrupting)
Isn’t it great?
LISA
Sure.
JASON
How’s your roommate?
LISA
She’s fine.
JASON
Hah! Hope you two aren’t staying up too late.
(Silence. Lisa isn’t sure if that was supposed to be a joke or not.)
JASON
Before we get to know each other better, I just want to mention that I heard you and a couple of residents talking about alcohol when I passed by your room last night. Is everything okay?
LISA
Huh?
JASON
If there’s anything going on, you’d better tell me.
(Beat.)
LISA
We were talking about Mad Men.
JASON
Oh. Uh. Nevermind.
(Beat.)
JASON (CONT’D)
I mean, not that I mind all that much. I go to Mag’s all the time, you know how it is. I was gonna go this weekend, but I can’t, and it’s such a drag.
LISA
Why not?
JASON
My grandma died.
(Beat.)
JASON (CONT’D)
Bitch.
(Silence. Lisa’s hands tremble more now as she finishes her Coke, realizing she’s still at the DUC.)
JASON
Cat woman?
LISA
Hmm?
JASON
Person. I mean, person. Are you a cat person? I noticed a little bit of fur on your—
(He gestures at her chest. They speak over each other, he a fraction of a second too late.)
LISA
Blouse—
JASON
Breasts.
(Another awful, rending silence.)
LISA
It’s from the dog I pet on the way here.
JASON
Mmm, dogs. I love dogs.
(Beat.)
JASON
Y’know, Hitler was a huge dog lover. And he was a vegetarian, too. Funny cause it’s Meatless Monday, am I right?
LISA
My grandfather had to flee Europe in the thirties.
JASON
Hah! Anyway, what are you up to tonight?
LISA
Uh. I’m gonna hang out with some friends, maybe do some work.
JASON
Well, I wasn’t doing anything tonight. I’m probably just gonna decorate the hall with some fall colors and watch some Netflix after… was hoping you could join me.
(Lisa quietly vomits into a napkin. Exit Lisa.)
JASON
Don’t forget to stop by the RHA table at Wonderful Wednesday!
(Jason smiles, satisfied.)
fin
Be First to Comment