It is with a heavy heart that the Spoke must report on a new development in online proctoring that will revolutionize the way we take online exams. Father and car enthusiast, Elon Musk, has made public his latest program: YoureFucked. YoureFucked, like other exam softwares, monitors all activities and tabs open, but is unique in its further course of action. Should any user check notes, open tabs, or otherwise ‘cheat,’ it will live tweet what the program considers your ‘most embarrassing’ internet history.
Originally tested on a control group of Emory students, YoureFucked has already created an uproar among its victims. Former Honor Council VP, Emma Kinks, told the Spoke, “They tweeted about my PornHub searches. I didn’t need everyone to know that I’m into vase-play.” In other cases, YoureFucked may choose to divulge different types of information. Former Young Republicans President, Remington Pillsbury, was ‘outed’ as a liberal after his donation to the Biden campaign. “It was a joke!” He insisted to anyone that would listen, “C’mon guys! I still cyberbully minorities!”
Despite the negative reaction, President Fenves still plans to implement YoureFucked into every Emory class for the year. When asked for a comment, he stated, “In this uncertain and hectic time, we need to turn to the most reliable and essential aspects of American society: surveillance and blackmail. And in order to remain as impartial as possible, we must let YourFucked be the Judge, Jury, and Executioner.”
Now it’s up to you. Do you want to fail Chem or do you want your Jojo Siwa youtube playlist leaked? Can you handle the world hearing all those audio files of you singing because you thought you could be a 12-year-old pop star? What about the 30 chapter fanfiction smut you wrote about Jimmy Fallon? The stakes are high and the possibilities are endless in your own personal trolley problem.
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