Junior Katie Gardner is creating huge social buzz and has been invited an astonishing 2 different pre-games this past week after she uploaded immensely popular pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch from her semester abroad in London, England to Facebook.
“At first I thought, ‘maybe I should actually take a picture of this giant, metal circle that people keep riding. It’s probably some important cultural symbol that represents the courage and ingenuity of the English people,’ but then I remembered Benedict Cumberbatch’s steely gaze and I just — well — I couldn’t help myself. And he speaks British. Plus, have you seen his cheek bones? He’s like a hunky alien fresh off the spaceship from planet sex.”
Cursory forensic examination confirm that Katie’s Facebook page indeed lacks any pictures of her actual trip or places she visited, with her album titled “London ’14 Snitches!” solely comprised of pictures of the British actor. When asked if she was the one who took the pictures of Benedict, Katie replied, “What the fuck, no! I wouldn’t do something creepy like that — I got them off Google Images.”
“When Katie kicked open the door to the bathroom stall I was using, I was so excited to see all her pictures of amazing trips and adventures she went on,” says Bridget Councilberry, Emory’s token British student. “I’m quite familiar with much of London, and so I expected the usual. The Eye, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace. But what Katie showed me. Well — you saw them. It was unbelievable. Nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced. It was a whirlwind of magic and wonder. That’s the real England she captured in those photos.”
“Here’s Benedict looking introspective next to a lamp post,” Katie explained as she cycled through what appeared to be an endless slideshow. “And here he is looking introspective next to a newly born fawn. And in this one he’s standing next to horrific car accident while looking especially introspective, but with just the slightest mark of sadness lingering in his eyes that serves as a reminder of the complexity of our seemingly insignificant time in the universe.”
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, startling the kid trying to use his chemistry textbook as a pillow next to her. “I totally forgot to show you the picture of Bennie performing an appendectomy! God, I’m just the worst.”
“You’ll be mine someday,” she mouthed as her fingertips ran across her screen.
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