Lawsuit opened against Emory film department after girl receives an hour-long synopsis of Pulp Fiction from film student immediately after sex

On January 23 at 12:45 AM, an Emory freshman girl (who prefers not to be named due to pride) tipsily stumbled into the room of a sophomore boy in the Emory film department (who will not be named due to the lawyer his father has on retainer). Expecting mediocre sex and a moderate increase in general insecurity, the female student was left speechless when, shortly after sex, the boy opened his phone and pulled up his notes on a recent Film 204 assignment.

“I didn’t even have enough time to put a shirt on,” the female Emory student began. “He just started talking about the opening diner scene. And sure, that was bad, but the worst of it was when he… he…” Breaking out in tears, her legal representative Mr. Gluck of Gluck and Sons Legal Practice continued the story.

“It was when he, only clothed in his boxers, did a live reenactment of the scene when Jules interrogates Brett and his friends about Big Kahuna Burger. The emotional damage caused by this experience is unquantifiable. The Emory film department’s decision to arm their students by giving them an amateur education on things such as Pulp Fiction is immoral at best and an act of terrorism at worst. I have a daughter with horrible taste in men as well, and cases like these keep me up at night worrying what she will have to go through.” 

The film students of Emory have long been known to violate the ears of unsuspecting romantic interests. According to a  recent Spoke survey, 32% of the Emory population has experienced a romantic interaction with a film student. Out of this 32%, 72% claim they did so  because they “thought they could fix them.” However, 98% ended up reaching out to a therapist after the interaction due to “extreme cases of intellectual gaslighting.” 

To learn more about this pandemic of film student manipulators, we turned to Josh Glaub, a senior in Emory’s film department.

“Yea, I heard about the case. To be frank, I think the whole matter is much more complex than what most people can understand. Sure, she may not have asked to hear about the movie and, sure, she may have already seen the movie, but as film majors, it is our job to teach and culture those around us. You see, those of us in the film department have the beautiful privilege of being able to SEE and UNDERSTAND a film, not just watch it like others do. There are so many hidden layers to pieces as intricate as Pulp Fiction. I mean, even in the opening scene, the juxtaposition between love and war that Tarantino creates through the lighting details demonstrates the oncoming…” At this point, The Spoke field team began to slowly back away from Josh, hoping he would not notice our absence. Naturally, he did not. 

The environment on Emory’s campus remains tense as students eagerly await the results of the hotly contested lawsuit. Until then, CAPS and the Office of Respect recommend that students stay on high alert for any discussions of “cult classics” and avoid the general area surrounding the Rich Memorial Building.