It is common knowledge among us monolingual GER-seeking fucks that one should never perform too well on his placement exam, otherwise he may be exempt from the easy A of Elementary or Intermediate Spanish. For some reason, I was never informed about the subtle art of not doing too well on the placement exam. Instead, like a white mom ordering at Taco Bell, I tried to pass as a fluent Spanish speaker. If the placement exam asked me, “How do you say ‘soap’ in Spanish?” I would think to myself, “Wow thats a great question for my good ol’ pal, Google Translate.”
I understand that this entirely defeats the purpose of the ‘placement’ exam, but I wanted to ‘place’ myself where I wanted by doing just well enough. Anyways, Translate and I did well enough on the exam that the Spanish department actually considered my white ass to be bilingual. I mean, yeah I think “Despacito” slaps, but mild salsa is too spicy for me, so I would not consider myself multicultural.
When I was told I would have to take a higher level of Spanish, it immediately became my mission to prove to my Spanish professor that I was not good enough for an advanced class. Essentially, syllabus week was just me overparticipating and responding in messy Spanglish so my professor would see how incompetent I was.This wasn’t enough though. My professor still felt wanted me in an upper level Spanish class. I had to convince someone with more authority than my professor to let me stay in the class. It was then that I went to the Spanish department office and cried (in English) to some federal work study intern, and it worked. He told me to go talk to the lady in charge of student placement, and she sympathized with me.
Long story short, I am learning about -ar verbs and me fucking gusta.
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