How to Take Condoms from the Library and Still Maintain Your Swag

So, you’ve found yourself needing to make the treacherous journey into the basement of libs for contraception. Congratulations! Either you’re about to be in for a magical night where you feel God’s presence with you in the lofted bed, or you’re a freshman who’s still optimistic about definitely losing your virginity this year. Regardless, look at you go!

While it can be embarrassing to feel the library employees staring into your soul as you reach into the Free Condoms box, it doesn’t mean that you’re not a super cool, iconic, epic, one-in-a-million, big guy anymore! Here’s some ways you can make sure the aura of “swag” you exude 24/7 doesn’t go away as you take this journey:

1. Dig In! The easiest and most obvious way to be swag while taking library condoms is written right on the box itself: “take only what you will use.” As a swag person, you’re probably having a LOT of sex. Everyone wants you. Just reach into the box and take as many Magnums as you can fit in your grabby little claws. Just try not to leave a trail of dropped condoms behind you as you exit the library. Even better, bring a tote bag!
2. Bring your homies! Nothing says “swag” like all of your best friends lovingly surrounding you and cheering you on while you get yourself some protection. If you’re going to make noise in the library, this is THE reason to do it. You can even look extra cool by riding in on one of your friend’s shoulders while they hold the “VIRGINITY” cake you’ll get to eat tomorrow morning!
3. Blame your homies! Embarrassed that you’re taking condoms for yourself? Never fear. As they always say, it’s always better to blame your friends for your actions! Tell each and every bystander who sees you that “these aren’t for me, they’re for my friends.” They’ll definitely think you’re just a good friend making sure your besties are safe, and not preparing for an orgy of any kind.
4. Say you’re attending an orgy.
5. Run for it. Let’s face it, everyone is going to point and laugh at you no matter what you do. Put on your hoodie, a ski mask, and some additional inconspicuous clothing, and pray that no one sees you sprinting into the library on a Friday afternoon.

Happy boning!