You’ve tried it all, juice cleanses, the baby food diet, and chanting “every body is a beach body,” while eating a pint of ice cream. Nothing has helped you feel ready for spring break, and nothing will except reaching your literal birth weight. That’s the last time you qualified as a skinny legend and that’s the only weight you will be satisfied at. Some might tell you that getting down to 7 lbs. 6 oz. “isn’t possible,” or “could kill you,” but those are just haters. If you’re serious about getting back to your original weight, this new diet is right for you.
Breakfast
- 3 Breathes of helium
- 5 Lines of cocaine
- 4.37 Drops of water
Lunch
- 47 Ice-Cubes
- 1 Goldfish (the pet)
Dinner
- 1 Celery Stick
- 2 Minutes of imagining real food
- 1 Bag of blood to counteract Anemia
If you follow this diet leading up to spring break, you are guaranteed to reach your birth weight, or die trying. Either way, you won’t be self-conscious on the beach this year!
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