Honor Council member gets bored at home, tells mom husband is cheating on her

While most students have resorted to knitting, cooking, or ruining their sleep schedule over quarantine, Emory junior and Honor Council member Rachel Fink opted for something new. She decided to spice up her life at home by telling her mom that her step-father, Phil Anderson, was cheating on her. 

“I didn’t join the Honor Council because I care about academic integrity, or even as a resume padder. I just like drama I guess,” she said with a shrug. “Over quarantine I watched Sex and the City like 30 times. At some point it rubbed off on me and it felt like I was Sarah Jessica Narker, I mean, Parker.”

Fink discovered her step-father’s infidelity when she heard him sneaking out of the house regularly. “I was actually a hall-monitor in fourth grade, so you could say I’m pretty good at being in everybody’s business all the time.” Instead of immediately telling her mother, Fink chose to sit on the information, stating that it “wasn’t super interesting, ‘cause it’s just my mom. It was more like gossip for a rainy day.”

“Normally I get my drama fix from Honor Council, but it just isn’t the same anymore. My favorite honor council memories were watching students realize that their academic careers were over since they couldn’t be bothered to write a little essay.  It’s just not the same over Zoom. Sure, they cry, and sometimes you can even hear their parents yelling at them when they forget to mute, but the atmosphere of despair is just gone. And since it’s literally impossible not to cheat when taking online classes, I have to go to hearings like every week. I’ve had to stop anonymously reporting my friends to Honor Council because honestly, what’s even the point if its just more paperwork?”

To resolve the issue, Fink tried to schedule an adjudicatory hearing with her as the arbiter. “I thought it would be good family bonding time. They didn’t even show up because they both said they had meetings with divorce lawyers.” Fink seemed concerned about the possibility of her parent’s divorcing, saying that there would be less people in the house to manipulate emotionally. “I guess there’s always my little sister. She’s really insecure since she’s still in high school which makes it too easy. Kinda punching under my weight, although I am curious how she’ll internalize it if I tell her that all her friends hate her.”