Freshman Excited to Keep Room in McTyeire

Freshman Natalie Jenkins was thrilled to learn during the recent housing process that she would have the option to keep her current room on the third floor of McTyeire as a sophomore.

“I felt like I was dreaming,” described Jenkins. “I’ve really grown attached to Harry and Sally, and I honestly had no idea how I was supposed to say goodbye to my new family.” Jenkins said of the two roaches living in her room’s walls.

“Sometimes, I’ll sneak food out of the DUC and leave it in their favorite place to eat,” she continued as she put a few cookie crumbs onto her roommate’s pillow. “Now this never has to end.”

Jenkins was quick to note McTyeire’s effects on her health. “I remember move in day, watching all those husky have-nots in other dorms use elevators to move their heavy belongings to different floors. It took four hours for me to get my luggage up all three flights of stairs,” Jenkins said as she pulled up her shirt sleeves to reveal her severely asymmetrical upper arms, “you don’t get tone like this by living in a dorm from this century.”

Jenkins admits that life in McTyeire hasn’t been all pros and no cons. Citing the social repercussions of what can only be described as special treatment, Jenkins admits that some of her friends have grown intensely jealous of her situation.

“Recently, everyone’s been stressing about their move in times… I had to watch my two best friends break down in tears as every room in McTyeire filled up instantly,” she said. “I just casually picked one of the least asbestos-dusted rooms in McTyeire, and they got stuck with a drafty Clifton apartment.”

“As if a personal kitchen and living room could compare with being this close to all the freshmen next year,” Jenkins said, attaching a passive-aggressive warning on her communal fridge food, “it’s honestly not even fair.”