While the search for the new dean has been a long and arduous process, Greg Fenves has finally announced the choice for the next dean of the Emory College of Arts and Sciences: Dr. Benves. Not much is known about the incoming dean except for his signature Groucho Marx glasses and mustache. In the announcement, President Greg Fenves commented, “We went with an out-of-the box thinker and do-er. We believe Dr. Benves will bring a new perspective to the academic vision of this university as well as his cunning looks and devious smile. With me and mysel-I mean him… Him at the helm of president and dean, I-we can do anything.”
The Spoke asked to hold a brief interview with the newly announced dean. However, Greg Fenves replied with a vehement and aggressive “No!” and swiftly closing out from this Wikihow article from his computer. He then rubbed his hands together and said under his breath “it’s all going to plan…”
Although this interaction raises many questions about the credentials of the next dean, Emory students can all agree that it is nice to have a powerful leader in charge who will make Emory the Supreme University of the Continental United States.
(PLEASE HELP ME HE’S MAKING US WRITE THIS. THIS IS A CRY FOR HEL-)
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