Everyone’s favorite adult performer recently announced a plan to increase his subscription price by 4%. To some, this may seem like a small price to pay, but given the financial hardships brought on by the pandemic, many horny Emory students are feeling unheard and left behind. We on the Spoke Editorial Board implore Dooley to reconsider his plan.
Although Greg Dooley previously made commitments to provide discounts for low-income viewers, their subscriptions are not free, and many students were already struggling to make the necessary payments before the pandemic. These discounts are not enough to help low-income viewers reach completion.
Frustrations with Dooley’s OnlyFans has led some students to seek out other sources. In an interview with the Spoke, Hugh G. Rection (23C) cited the worsening quality of content and high cost as reasons that caused him to cancel his subscription. “It was bad enough that I couldn’t see Dooley’s face before, but with COVID restrictions he can’t even make content with special guests. His older videos with Provost Jan were magical,” he remarked longingly. Hugh admitted he has resorted to watching Fenves (@daddydomFenves) spit in a tube on Instagram stories to fill the void.
Still others cannot let go quite yet. Edith Puthie (20OX, 22C) said despite her protests against it, Mr. and Mrs. Puthie have taken out a second mortgage to help her finish during college. Edith told the Spoke, “I understand they want me to be successful, but now it feels like there’s too much pressure on me, which is making it difficult to enjoy the experience.”
Greg Dooley’s price increase is especially insulting considering the enormous amount of alone time students and faculty have on their hands from COVID gathering restrictions and quarantining measures. Arguably, any increase in profits from this proposal will be outweighed by the damage done to his image as a skeleton of the people.
General horniness levels in the U.S. have skyrocketed since the pandemic began, and instead of being part of the solution, Dooley has shown blatant disregard for his community. Again, we urge Greg Dooley to reconsider the gigantic impact his plan will have on morale. If he does not pull out of this decision, our campus may never fully recover from the drag brought on by that magnificent, overpriced schlong.
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