COVODDS-2020: Satisfying Your Crippling Gambling Addiction In A Post-Sports Era

So, it happened. The NCAA cancelled March Madness. The NBA shut down. Even those frozen freaks in the NHL called it a season. Spring training for the MLB is pushed back, so you can’t bet on how many ‘Stros get beaned, or bet on the outcome of the games if you want to be soft like that. Formula 1, that thing you were gonna get into after seeing the Netflix series on it, shut down too. After March Madness fell, the NCAA cancelled all postseason activities, right as the Eags were starting the D3 tourney, and your bookie won’t refund the hundred you dropped on Wash U. And to top it all off the Masters tournament got canned; no one gets the green jacket this year, sorry bud.

But I am here to tell you all hope is not lost. This is a time for discovery. You could learn that TVs are black when turned off. You could read a book. Or you could get creative and find ways to fuel your addiction like the fucking degenerate you are.

So pour yourself a quarantini and enjoy the world of COVODDS-2020: where the experts at The Spoke have calculated the odds of Coronavirus’s effects.

Betting markets open tomorrow on the Lombardy Trophy, which is awarded to the first state to shut down. Despite Silicon Valley’s Elon Musk tweeting that the “panic is dumb,” California is moderately favored to close with the odds locked in at -135.

Ultra urban New York has over 400 cases already, and Gov. Cuomo’s prison soap isn’t enough to knock them down as a favorite on our board, with odds of shutting down first at -207.

Our top favorite goes to the heavy-hitting, #1 seed in the Western Conference: Washington. It all started in Seattle, and with over 600 cases so far, Washington’s path to the Lombardy Trophy isn’t hard to imagine, giving Washington odds to win of -408.

Onto the underdogs, we have the Eastern Conference #2 seed Massachusetts. They have cases in the triple digits, and with bars open on St. Patrick’s Day, it is sure to be a shitshow. While they lack the raw cases of more populous New York and West Coast rival California, the lack of caring among Bostonians cannot be underrated, giving Massachusetts odds of +134.

The next strongest of the underdogs is notorious dumpster fire, Florida. Another scrappy Eastern Conference contender, Florida hasn’t breached into the triple digits of cases, but considering the State’s history of wild incompetence and Florida Man buffoonery, nothing is impossible, bringing their odds in at +198.

In the days and weeks ahead, there are certainly going to be more developments as the disease spreads and the Spoke COVODDS-2020 analysis will change to reflect new developments.