Ad Hoc Performance of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Goes Horribly Wrong

Last week, members of Ad Hoc, Emory’s student musical theater organization, got together at the Rich Building to put on a miniature production of the Broadway musical Sweeney Todd– to disastrous results. The Sondheim-penned work is famously bloody, telling the story of the murderous barber Sweeney Todd (played by John val John [26C]). Tragically, the stage manager supplied actors with real razors, rather than prop razors, thus making the murder scenes a little bit gorier than your usual production.

Oddly enough, the director, Tony A. Ward [24C], didn’t remark on the severe injuries of the cast members. “Oh, sure, some people almost died,” Ward said. “But let’s focus on what’s important. Absolutely NOBODY was in tune during the opening number. Everyone knows that Sondheim was a master of utilizing dissonance, but it’s supposed to be a certain kind of dissonance. It sounded like screams of pain even before anybody got stabbed. My two cents? They had it coming.” Ward then went on for 17 minutes about how the sopranos were forcing vibrato on the C6. I’m not sure he realized we weren’t interviewing him anymore.

“I think we should just be thankful that val John’s aim sucks,” said Andrea Lloyd [27C], the show’s music director. “If he stabbed people where he was supposed to, we’d have 11 obituaries on our hands, rather than 11 hospital bills.” When asked why the cast finished the performance instead of stopping when the first person got stabbed, Lloyd shrugged and answered, “Shit happens. The show must go on.”

It remains unclear whether the university will provide the injured students with financial compensation. To be honest, the students will probably suffer more from the lack of socialization during recovery than the injuries themselves. In my opinion, I think a few weeks of physical therapy is easier than the whole “being dead” thing, but still. If you have a moment, spare a thought for them. Actors can’t go for too long without attention, or they’ll die.

But hey, let’s look on the bright side. Nobody died. Yet. They’re still in Intensive Care, but nobody’s dead. Yet. I can only assume that any missed assignments will be forgiven, so really, the only thing they have to worry about is dying. And maybe taxes. Also, when you think about it, isn’t this kind of a good thing? Now, they’re getting even more attention than before. And for a theatre kid, that’s worth more than a full recovery.