This just in: the Student Alumni Board has finally done something newsworthy.
After SAB hosted their blockbuster “Dinner with Twelve Strangers” event last weekend, six students have achieved the impossible by leaving the Emory bubble – but seemingly against their will. Tragedy has stricken the campus as all six students remain missing.
According to the Student Alumni Board, the dinner “offers students the opportunity to network with Emory alumni.” But due to a lack of any credible alumni who actually want to stay connected with the Emory community, the SAB had to resort to other means, hiring twelve actual strangers to host the dinner. Now the administration cannot account for six unfortunate students.
Emory student Chad Smith (26B) knew something was up when his fraternity brother didn’t show up for a carpool to Mardi Gras. “Who knew you couldn’t trust people from Craigslist?” SGA President Miss Ing recounted in a recent interview.
Seems like an offer of a free meal from Emory University may have been too good to be true. The Spoke Team sends our thoughts and (secular) prayers to the Emory community.
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