Student looking forward to using his rest days to catch up on course work he’s currently drowning in

Expressing his immense gratitude to Emory University’s decision to declare three “rest days” during the upcoming semester, junior Evan Berg is overjoyed at the prospect of kicking back, relaxing, and spending all his allotted free time on the work he is virtually drowning in.

Prior to the university’s announcement of rest days Berg was beginning to lose hope. “I was feeling down this semester, but I always knew paying full tuition to sit at home would pay off somehow! Thank you Emory,” says Berg.

When asked what he would do with his newfound free time, Berg began salivating in excitement. “For the last three months I sat in my room working, sometimes eating and occasionally going to the bathroom to cry. Now, I get to do all of that, but this time with no class!”

Berg is already jubilantly planning how he’ll spend his rest days constantly studying in a manic attempt to salvage his tumbling GPA. “Apparently sitting in a chair in a dark room for hours isn’t great for productivity, but one rest day per month will definitely make all the difference,” Berg says to himself.

It isn’t just Evan Berg himself who’s happy with Emory’s rest days. “Every day I’ve worried about my son’s mental state,” remarks Susie Berg, Evan’s mother. “He’s lost weight, and I think his hair might be falling out. Now I know there’s nothing to worry about. He’ll be cramped in and stuck in the house, but at least he won’t have class on a random Wednesday.”

“With a billion-dollar endowment I’m shocked they have the money to call off class for three entire days, but that just shows the college we go to,” chirps Berg, while eagerly working on an assignment and pulling locks of his hair out.

Additionally, Berg has pointed out that along with the university’s support he’d be lost without the help of his professors. “I once asked my teacher for a one-day extension because my wifi kept having problems. He told me that he “understands my pain,” but it’s “absolutely not his problem” and I should try harder. It’s that type of encouragement that always pushes me forward.”

The enthusiastic reaction to the rest days has reportedly inspired the college to work on other relief for students. Ideas include 10% off on select items at Cox Hall once every two months, an Emory fantasy league for cancelled sport events, and even a virtual, underwhelming SPC event.