Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti– uh oh! Someone didn’t get the aca-memo.
Despite the cohort’s name, Aural Pleasure only uses their mouths to make the music you enjoy sound wrong and uncomfortable; NOT to spread saliva on genitalia (or at least not during club hours) (or at least not during auditions).
Jenna-Talia Clinton-Dix (27C), a wide-eyed (and mouthed) freshman, didn’t quite understand that premise and reportedly believed she would be tested in “anacunnilingus” and “deepthroatation” at her audition.
“While her fellow auditionees were going through standard warm ups, Jenna-Talia was shoving an edition of The Wheel down her throat while gagging repeatedly,” said Pleasure President Edmond Cashmere-Fulton. “And when I tried it, my voice was scratchy and raw, so I don’t think there was much validity to Jenna-Talia’s method.”
Clinton-Dix, or as she’s now known, “tongue mother,” went on during the solo section of the audition to roll medicine balls with her tongue and show off her neck flexibility with various whips and chains.
However, none of these actions directly resulted in Tongue Mother being asked to leave as “we oftentimes get sexually repressed wackadoodles,” according to Cashmere-Fulton. That moment came when Clinton-Dix reached into her Jansport and pulled out a peach.
“I speak for the entire Aural Family when I say we would never admit someone who could penetrate a peach in such a ballistic manner,” concluded Cashmere-Fulton.
Tongue Mother declined to comment and has since transferred to the Oxford campus, receiving a full scholarship and a lucrative NIL deal.
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