‘Twas the Night Before Finals

Twas the night before finals and all throughout Emory

Not a person was ready, with their sleep-deprived memories

Notes were flung ‘round the tables without any care

In hopes that the answers would somehow be there.

The freshmen were nestled in their study rooms

While this taste of their future four years seals their doom

And Swoop in his suit and Dooley in her cape

Had failed to bring hope of some kind of escape

When out on the quadrangle there arose such a noise

EPD with free coffee or just more drunk frat boys?

But I ignored it and instead focused on class

Since I have QTM, bio, and chem up my ass

The stacks of the libs are a good place to concentrate

In the few aisles that sad, lonely boys do not masturbate

When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear

But the first open study booth since the beginning of the year

With a functioning outlet and room to spread out

I knew in a moment it must be my hangout

I raced to the booth, a grin on my face

When the online shopping skank from my lecture stole my place

Fuck finals! Fuck studying! Fuck Rue 21!

Fuck TAs and bell curves, I’m so fucking done!

From essays to exams, what even matters?

The job market is already in goddamn tatters.

As screwed students do when they reach an impasse

I traded in my books for my trusty shot glass

Finals are tomorrow but my patience is gone

Time to get lit at Sigma Alpha Epsilon