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Posts tagged as “DJ”

Breaking: Student Government Shuts Down

Emory’s Student Government Association shutdown at 12:01am EST on Wednesday after class representatives could not pass a budget due to a battle over funding for Pawsitive Outreach, a student organization notorious for connecting students with cute animals. Conservative representatives insisted…

Study Finds Correlation Between James Wagner’s Massive Testicles and Willingness to Run University into the Ground

In the best allocation of federal grant money since the invention of the polio vaccine, Emory researchers found groundbreaking evidence that the size of James Wagner’s testicles directly correlate with his propensity to drive the university into a deep pit of…