SPC Announces Migos Replacement For Dooley’s week: RuPaul
Shortly after announcing that Migos would no longer be able to headline this year’s Dooley’s Week concert, SPC announced that they are proud to present Supermodel of the World, RuPaul, as the last minute replacement. The drag superstar is known for such hits as: Covergirl (Put the Bass in Your Walk), Peanut Butter, and Sissy That Walk.
“While our wigs were snatched (along with the deposit funded by Emory students), we put some bass in our walk, and let our whole body talk. We are so happy to welcome RuPaul to our campus,” read the SPC announcement.
Many students have expressed mixed feelings about the replacement, citing that RuPaul’s message simply isn’t as relatable as Migos’ universally felt lyrics, such as: “Offset, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!”
“I was originally really hesitant about this whole drag queen replacement thing. Like some dude in a dress can’t be anywhere as cool as Migos,” said college junior, Frank White, fraternity star and intramural frisbee athlete, “but honestly I started listening to her songs and realized that I too had a sickening mug, that I’m a hot hunty bitch mama queen and I can make it work if I sissy that walk, mama.” He punctuated his comment with an impressive death drop, ending in concussion.
“I’m so excited to be performing for Emory students. You all know how important integrity is to me, and, when I heard about this whole mess, I just thought, never before have I seen such terrible drama and scandal,” said RuPaul in a statement to the Spoke, “and I host a fucking reality show about drag queens. That’s some tea.”
In preparation for the event, SPC says that it plans on handing out tucking tape at Wonderful Wednesday, even though Emory does not deserve the fabulous RuPaul who will probably cancel and finally be replaced by our emergency option: Smash Mouth.