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Goizueta Senior Drunkenly Messages Resume to Deloitte

Washburn's resume to Deloitte, already viral within their HR department.

Washburn’s resume to Deloitte, already viral within their HR department.

Gingerly removing Tostito™ chips from his navel, Goizueta Senior Jacob Washburn woke up this morning to discover that he had drunkenly emailed his resume to the professional service firm Deloitte.

Jacob knew something was amiss when he saw a message in his Gmail inbox from a Deloitte representative politely thanking him for his interest. Washburn attempted to re-read the email that he had sent, but could barely keep reading after “I have attched my resumee” and was almost in tears by the time his gaze crossed the line, “I hop we can stay in contatc ;).”

Jacob then spent five minutes in abject remorse staring at the attachment icon for the resume he had sent them under the subject line “HEY! its Jacob, Remeber? haha”, until he finally had the courage to download and view it.

“The night is still pretty hazy,” remarked Washburn “After leaving Maggies my emotions and expected future salary were all over the place.  I’ve spent months trying to get over my short-lived summer fling with Deloitte’s New York CPA internship office, but sometimes those feelings and career plans just resurface.”

“Admittedly my game is a little rusty,” Washburn continued, “it’s been a while since we last professionally exchanged emails concerning my future employment. I haven’t even contacted one of their recruiters on LinkedIn since New Years Eve.”

Washburn’s friends have been worried for a while about his string of one-sided relationships with potential employers. “First it was this obsession with Goldman, then Bain, and now Jake just keeps running back to Deloitte,” Larry Cohen told The Spoke, “He needs to get over it. I know the synergy at his internship burned white-hot, but it also fizzled out in just a few months. And he didn’t get the offer.”

At press time, Washburn was spotted sipping a Miller High Life while flipping through the Facebook photo album of his former Deloitte manager entitled “Team Building in Cabo 2011”.

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