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Overcoming Senioritis

If you’ve got the time to read this, then there’s a good chance that you’re among the afflicted.  During the 15th century, apathetic seniors were often burned at the stake in to prevent their “pfffft, sure whatever,” attitude from spreading to the more industrious members of society.  However, modern behavioral neuroscience has revealed that senioritis can, in fact, be cured be either providing an individual with new projects or finding creative ways to help them stay focused on the ones that they already have.  Here are a few innovative things you can do to make the most of your last semester:

  1. Have a baby.  Find the nearest uterus, or even your own, and get to work.  It’ll be hard to stay apathetic when you’re meal swiping for two.   Besides, milk is cheap at the SAAC, and your RA is, by definition, a babysitter.
  2. Start your own company.  You can actually get paid to state the obvious as long as you call yourself a “consultant.”  In addition, you no longer need an MBA to make poor investments with other people’s money, and well-executed ponzi scheme could help you pay off your student loads.
  3. Negative reinforcement.  A couple of current seniors actually tried #2, and recently developed a keyboard that’s designed not to put up with your shenanigans.  It administers painful electric shocks to your fingers whenever you type certain buzzwords like “You”, “Face”, and “Twit.”  The keyboard is also programmed to sigh disapprovingly if you type “#YOLO” or “Honey Boo Boo.”

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