One-on-One: A One-Act Play

Above: The cheapest actors we could find.
Pictured: The cheapest actors we could find.

(LISA, 18, and her RA, JASON, 20, are sitting at the DUC for their first one-on-one. They face each other at a table, Lisa with blouse and jeans, he in a raggedy shirt and cargo pants. Lisa is questioning what life choices got her where she is. He’s a little too enthusiastic.)

JASON

(cheerfully)

So, how do you like Emory so far?

LISA

I mean, it wasn’t my first choice, but—

JASON

     (interrupting)

Isn’t it great?

LISA

Sure.

JASON

How’s your roommate?

LISA

She’s fine.

JASON

Hah! Hope you two aren’t staying up too late.

     (Silence. Lisa isn’t sure if that was supposed to be a joke or not.)

JASON

Before we get to know each other better, I just want to mention that I heard you and a couple of residents talking about alcohol when I passed by your room last night. Is everything okay?

LISA

Huh?

JASON

If there’s anything going on, you’d better tell me.

     (Beat.)

LISA

We were talking about Mad Men.

JASON

Oh. Uh. Nevermind.

     (Beat.)

JASON (CONT’D)

I mean, not that I mind all that much. I go to Mag’s all the time, you know how it is. I was gonna go this weekend, but I can’t, and it’s such a drag.

LISA

Why not?

JASON

My grandma died.

     (Beat.)

JASON (CONT’D)

Bitch.

     (Silence. Lisa’s hands tremble more now as she finishes her Coke, realizing she’s still at the DUC.)

JASON

Cat woman?

LISA

Hmm?

JASON

Person. I mean, person. Are you a cat person? I noticed a little bit of fur on your—

     (He gestures at her chest. They speak over each other, he a fraction of a second too late.)

LISA

Blouse—

JASON

Breasts.

     (Another awful, rending silence.)

LISA

It’s from the dog I pet on the way here.

JASON

Mmm, dogs. I love dogs.

     (Beat.)

JASON

Y’know, Hitler was a huge dog lover. And he was a vegetarian, too. Funny cause it’s Meatless Monday, am I right?

LISA

My grandfather had to flee Europe in the thirties.

JASON

Hah! Anyway, what are you up to tonight?

LISA

Uh. I’m gonna hang out with some friends, maybe do some work.

JASON

Well, I wasn’t doing anything tonight. I’m probably just gonna decorate the hall with some fall colors and watch some Netflix after… was hoping you could join me.

     (Lisa quietly vomits into a napkin. Exit Lisa.)

JASON

Don’t forget to stop by the RHA table at Wonderful Wednesday!

     (Jason smiles, satisfied.)

fin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

Go to Top