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No Excuses: Why You Should Vote

Not voting for president is like sticking your pleasure pole through a glory hole. You just don’t seem to care who gets to play around with you. You need to care!

The most common reasons people don’t vote are because they don’t care about the election to begin with, they feel their vote won’t make a difference, and they are too busy to vote. Smaller groups of people claim to dislike the candidates or the campaign issues as well as the classic excuse of, “The dog ate my vote.” I don’t care what excuse you’re planning to use. If you don’t vote, you’re selling yourself short.

“I don’t care about the election”

You don’t care about healthcare? You don’t care about how much taxes you’ll have to pay? You don’t care about discovering aliens on Zolar 7?! You can pretend all you want, but you care. Everyone wants to see an alien before he dies.

“My vote won’t make a difference”

Remember that your vote is an opinion. Once you decide that you care about the election and choose your candidate, you’ll find yourself engaged in the sporadic political discussion, and you never know when an undecided voter may be around to hear your hopefully accurate and well thought out opinions. So, no, you don’t have one vote to rule them all, but you don’t want to be invisible either.

“I’m too busy to vote”

This isn’t voting for the head dog breeder of Smallville, Kansas. This is the presidential election! You make time to vote for the leader of your planet! … country … I mean country.

“I don’t like the candidates or the campaign issues”

Have you seen Star Wars? Of course you have, and if you haven’t, respectfully, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Anyway, if you don’t like either presidential candidate, you can think of it in terms of the Star Wars episode 6 scenario. In that movie, you had two evil Sith, Darth Sidious and Darth Vader. At the end of the movie, Darth Vader had a change of heart and helped to save the day. So, even if you think both Romney and Obama are maniacally deranged super villains bent on irrational galaxy domination, do some research and pick the lesser of two evils. Who knows, if you get it right, the guy may even turn out to be good when it matters the most.

“The dog ate my vote!”

Seriously? You think that you can look a friend in the eyes and say, “I forgot to vote for the president of the United States of America,” and they’ll actually believe you, let alone not lose any respect for you? Forgetting to vote for president is like a week going by without a celebrity wardrobe malfunction. It just doesn’t happen!

My final appeal

Honestly, this election matters. If for any reason you’re searching for an excuse not to vote, please stop. Whoever becomes president WILL affect the next four years of your life, if not more, and you’d be a fool not to let your voice be heard. I know it’s cliche and you’ve heard it all before, but if you’re thinking about not voting, please, at the very least, take a moment to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself one simple question: Would I be willing to stick my pleasure pole through a glory hole? *Ladies, feel free to tweak the metaphor as needed.

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