Following the likes of the Student Programming Council
and Pawsitive Outreach, Emory Kink is now offering a stress-reduction dungeon for students anxious about their upcoming finals.
“We are really excited to offer this soothing experience to our fellow students,” said Gale Evans, philanthropy chairman for Emory Kink. “Whether you are looking for a quick lashing by an eager dominatrix or would like to truly treat yourself with an hour in The Chair, we’ve got something for everyone.”
Sophomore Kendra Barnes told the Emory Spoke that as an avid reader of 50 Shades of Gray, she was looking forward to attending the upcoming event.
“Finals really have me frustrated both emotionally and sexually,” said Barnes. “But while my Organic Chemistry exam has me bent over my desk pulling multiple all nighters, Emory Kink will have me bent over in a more serene and interesting way.”
Speaking on behalf of Kink, senior masochist and Kink vice president Jason Thomas advised his fellow students not to miss out on the chamber of eroticism.
“Be sure to come early tomorrow!” reminded Thomas. “Hot candle wax and black leather masks are in limited supply, and wait times will only get longer over the course of the week as more students line up to refresh their body and soul through the healing power of our deviant therapy.”
“We’re here to help you flourish,” he added. “If your chemistry exam has gotten you too busy to experience sweet humiliating release, we’re here to help you unwind.”
At press time, the Emory janitorial staff was futilely laying plastic sheeting in the space designated for the dungeon.