Gee, I really hope this internal monologue is actually internal. It’s not like it would be the first time I’ve been caught thinking out loud, but I’ve never had a monologue drag on this long, and I can not remember when this other guy started walking in the same direction as me. I mean, he could have heard everything; when I reflected on my worst fears, when I analyzed my deepest shames, and when I was deciding what’s my biggest sexual insecurity, which I was still debating until I realized I may not have said all this in my head, but in fact announced everything to this person walking next to me.
This is pretty serious. If word gets out about how terrified I am of commitment, how I turn anyone older into a father figure, or how my first masturbatory experience was to Lilo & Stitch and it’s had lasting effects on my sexual preferences since, I will have to transfer out of Emory, and this was all stuff from the beginning of my monologue, when I was just warming up.
Ok, we’ve been walking in silence for a couple minutes and I feel if I actually have been thinking out loud, he would have said something by this juncture. But on the other hand, he is walking a lot faster now, and why would he do that if he didn’t hear the Lilo & Stitch stuff? What if he heard and is trying to hide his face because he knows me? The back of his head is familiar…Is it Jeff? Dan? If I can just get ahead of him I’d know…now he is at a full sprint, he is sprinting and I am sprinting, he definitely heard me and this does not look good.
Wait, what if he is just going for a run? Because if he was running from me he could have just ran to his dorm, but we’ve already passed the gates of Lullwater Park and you know, if he really is scared of me, a wilderness devoid of people really wasn’t his best option. Both of us are running out of breath so this chase has to end at some point unless he hides or something. And just as I think of that, he climbs up a really tall tree. Did I say that out loud? Have I been helping him during this whole chase? Guess I just have to wait at the tree’s base until he comes down so I can make sure he didn’t hear anything.
Well, I’m an idiot. I’ve been waiting under this tree for an hour, and I just realized he might be running away from me because I started running at him, and it has nothing to do with my internal monologue. I don’t think he saw my face though, so I’ll just walk away.
But ultimately, you know, I think my botched circumcision is my biggest sexual insecurity.