“College students are too easily offended” say offended Emory College Republicans

In a move that the Emory College Republicans described as “extremely offensive and unrepresentative of the students and faculty at Emory University,” Senior Vice President and Dean of Campus Life Ajay Nair said on Wednesday that said the reaction to Trump’s victory at Emory was reminiscent of the campus atmosphere at UVA post-9/11, where Nair was employed at the time. This attempted controversy comes on the heels of other protests at Emory that were actually a response to social injustice.

“College students get so offended at everything these days, when they should really be upset at Dean Nair’s disgusting statements to the Wheel,” said a blonde blue-eyed representative from the Emory College Republicans. “Trust me, this totally is not an attempt to get featured on Breitbart, although if they want an interview, they can reach us at emoryrepublicans@gmail.com.”

In response to the statement issued by ECR, other students have fired back with the hashtag #HeIsMyDean. The Emory College Republicans have magnanimously agreed to allow dissenting opinions on their page, if only to provide out of context quotes that can be given to news outlets. Ajay Nair also responded to the group, insisting that he “compared the emotions on college campuses following two events: 9/11 and Trump’s election” and was “in no way suggesting that they are similar events,” although to the average Trump supporter that is exactly what someone who hates America would say.

“I am not offended, I am outraged. There is a difference,” said an ECR member who has never heard of synonyms. “While everyone at Emory is always going on about ‘police brutality this’ or ‘homophobia that,’ I think we are forgetting the real oppressed group: straight white males. SAD!”

Indeed, many of the pasty white members of the Emory College Republicans have been confused by backlash to their statement, especially given the historical precedent of treating any white male’s feelings as objective truth. However, these young conservatives are not going down without a fight.

“If Dean Nair refuses to step down, we will be forced to take drastic action,” said the ECR in an email to the Spoke. “All 10 of us will be walking right up to the administration office with our cardboard cutout of Trump and list off our demands. We may even get some readers of Fox News to leave one star ratings on the Emory University Facebook page. You’ve been warned!”

The Spoke will continue to update readers on this story as it develops.

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