College student must cope with Trump Presidency and Hangover
Sources report that Tracy Smith, a college junior, woke up today beleaguered by both a hangover and the stunning reality of an American Trump presidency, following the yesterday’s general election.
Smith, an Art History major with a Political Science minor, reports that she had attended an “Election Viewing Party” at a friend’s apartment, where she had ingested roughly three “weak drinks.” She remained “delightfully tipsy” until CNN announced Ohio’s electoral votes had gone to the Republican candidate, at which point she lost count of her Jell-O shot intake and her faith in the democratic processes of this country.
Witnesses at the party report Smith, later in the night, went to the bathroom to vomit. It is unclear whether she was vomiting in reaction to her homemade Long Island Ice Tea or in reaction to the possibility of her reproductive rights, as well as the rights of every American minority, being severely and unconstitutionally revoked by a Republican controlled White House and Congress.
Attempts to reach Tracy Smith for comment have been unanswered, though sources report she has begun treating her current hangover with a mixture of aspirin and Pedialyte. She has not yet decided how to treat Trump’s political ascendancy.