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Too Hot: Zumba Literally Starts a Fire

Sources report a fire broke out around 6:00pm on the second floor of the WoodPEC during a weekly Zumba class this Monday. Officials say this was a standard electrical fire,…

Breaking: Tom Brady is THAT Guy in the Group Project

Group projects are notoriously difficult for students to maintain, and randomly assigned groups are considered unbearable by many Emory students. According to multiple students in Professor Thompson’s Intro to Air…

Crime Report 11.8.16

Crime Report 11.8.16 On November 3 at 9:30 PM, EPD responded to reports of marijuana use at Dobbs Hall. Upon arrival, EPD was informed by students that marijuana is just…

Brave clown cop prevents purge

Tensions are running high as the public frets over rumors of a Halloween purge led by the killer clowns stirring up trouble nationwide. In order to investigate the claim of…

RISE OF THE CAMPUS OF THE ROACH

Any Emory student who has stepped outside their dorm has seen the giant cockroaches that reside on campus. Some students may even believe that we are safe, and that the…

Friend Recounts Violent Abduction, Kills Buzz

Last Friday at approximately 9:00pm, as a group of friends sat around a small table chit chatting and partaking in a simple drinking game, sources report that Jessie Franklin felt…

Emory Trusts Woman as University President

ATLANTA, GA- After a tireless global search, the Emory Board of Trustees has announced that Claire E. Sterk will succeed the ever-hailed James Wagner as the 20th Emory University President…

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