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BREAKING: SGA Presidential Candidate Althusser Embroiled in Scandal

Integity. Althusser.
After a strong showing in the Iowa primaries, Althusser rocketed to the top of the race.

Candidate for SGA President Aaron Althusser has found himself in hot water after an anonymous whistleblower leaked emails implicating Althusser for embezzling campaign donations for a Model U.N mixer. A Spoke review of Althusser’s emails revealed the money went entirely to a “birthday business luncheon” at Althusser’s Clairmont Apartment which included a moonbounce, 25 mason jars of grain alcohol, five strippers and a pack of Trident Original Strawberry gum.

The Althusser campaign amassed the funds for the “birthday business luncheon” through several organizations with dubious motives. Althusser’s backers include powerful Emory lobbies such as the Emory Young Americans for Liberty, the Emory Badminton Club, and the Dutch Shell Oil corporation, allegedly to arrange campaign contributions. Records obtained after the meeting revealed that the Althusser campaign had planned to sign a contract with Dutch Shell, allowing them permission to begin hydraulic fracturing (fracking) at the remote Oxford College campus in rural Covington Georgia.

Althusser, a frontrunner in the race for SGA President, is no stranger to controversy. The multi-million dollar Althusser election task-force has been criticized for its use of SuperPAC money, alleged wiretapping, and independent fliers improperly placed without the official stamp of Emory ResLife. The numerous allegations have called into question whether Althusser, an Economics and Pre-law senior from Northern Virginia, will be able to deliver his campaign promises, which have thus far only included “transparency” and “the repeal of Obamacare.”

Campus is abuzz with mixed reactions to the news of the scandal. Emily Barielle, concerned citizen, told the Spoke, “It’s truly shocking that the beacon of liberty and justice that the Emory SGA elections once were has come to this. This was the last hope for democracy as an institution, and we have soiled it.” College Sophomore Randy Julius commented that “Oh yes, it’s frightening that this has happened to the Students for Gothic Architecture.”

Althusser’s Assistant Executive Secretary to the Publicity Spokesperson could not be reached for comment.

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